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Suicidal Thoughts

Suicidal Thoughts We always think to ourselves how could someone commit suicide.  We always say "I could never do that." Well, let me share my story. I pray that this might encourage those that need it.  


Outside Looking In:
I was in a peculiar situation. From the outside looking in things look very cool for me. I have a good job with great benefits. I have a magnificent wife and two beautiful children. A great home and a dog. I'm a Christian and have been happily married for over 10yrs. I have a clothing line, screen printing and embroidery company, Christian rapper, and Business Owner at a Company. I'm not rich but I do okay. This Is what everyone sees on social media, text messages, phone calls, and in person. This is what people experience from the outside looking in.

Inside Looking Out:
Beginning late last year, life was extremely rough for me as a Dad, Husband, Entrepreneur, Airman, and Christian. In the past I have contemplated suicide and only 2 people knew about it. Life is not always what it seems. From my view I see "Friends" that are opportunist, the wicked become successful, the Saved become lost, and myself became more confused, depressed, and was quickly falling apart. I spent nights praying for answers and days thinking of how well off my family would be without me around. I've lost my grandmother, went into financial hardship, and had become mentally drained. From the inside looking out, I realized friends are not really friends and life can kill you if you allow it to. I realized that I was trying to be friends with everyone I would meet and please everyone I encountered. I experienced my hard work turn into depression and my good works fade to black. My brain wasn't able to handle these things and I no longer wanted to live this life so I had a plan to end it. Let me tell you, God has a way of showing us things and dealing with us. I can honestly say that without Christ I wouldn't be here.

The Change:
My wife is such a blessing because she kept me focused. Being able to pour out my thoughts and heart to her was and is a blessing. She encouraged me, listened to me, and prayed for me. Ultimately, I would pray and know God was listening to me but wasn't getting a response. Over the past month or so I've experienced a change in my life that I know only God could provide. If it wasn't for Christ I wouldn't be here today. I want to encourage whom ever may read this and be in the same situation I was in to be Strong in the Lord and know that He is listening. Know that you may be going through some of the hardest times of your life; and it may seem like God is not hearing you but He is. Don't give up. Surround yourself around real friends. A friend that sticks closer than a brother. People who will be there for you emotionally, Spiritually, and Financially. People who will support your visions. This may not be family or the people you currently think are your friends. This may not be the people you've know for most of your life. God will reveal these friends to you. Just remember that a Friend sticks closer than a brother.

According To Flesh:
Learn to respect yourself and love Christ more than people. Suicide is a plan of the devil. It is not a plan of God. It starts in life and tries to manifest in the mind. Don't allow it to do this. Talk to someone about it and get help. Don't be afraid to do this. Always remember, this life can only satisfy the flesh. But the flesh is never fully satisfied and can leave you empty and always wanting more. Once I realized that through all of the ups and downs that my flesh could never be satisfied I realized that my satisfaction had to come from somewhere else. That somewhere else was in Christ. When you accept Christ as your Lord and Savior and REALLY live by that rule you begin to understand that this life's biggest hardships is not worth taking your life or anyone else's. When we live primarily for this life we begin to fulfill the flesh that can never be satisfied. But when we live in the Spirit of Christ we begin to feel complete.

The Spirit:
So set your mind on the things of the Spirit and all things will work together for your good to you who are called according to His purpose. I'm now in a better state of mind than I was and I understand that in Christ is where true life abides. No more suicidal thoughts and peace is covering my mind. I'll end with this, Trust Christ, Aim High, Do You.

I'm NGB.



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  • Elizabeth on

    Thank you for your honesty and transparency.

  • Cassandra on

    This really pulled at my heart string. I’m so happy that you realized the trick of the enemy. So often many with these suicidal thoughts don’t! Thank you Jesus!!?? I’m also proud of you for sharing your story! This I’m sure will save many from hurt aches. When I see you, this is what I see; I see a survivor, a real man, a man that did not allow his environment to dictate or define him. A man that loves the Lord and his family, a strong man, a loving and compassionate man. A man that is constantly walking though his break thru, never giving up and never going back. A man that’s breaking racial barriers and standing tall and strong for his country, family and friends! This is what I see when I see you! I love you to the moon and back! Love your auntie Sandi❤️??

  • Devonte Cooper on

    Glory to God!!


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